Dear fanfiction
by PotatoBookworm
Summary: Letters to fanfiction from Harry Potter characters...
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: hey guys, this is my first fanfic. So please review and tell me how it is. Constructive criticism is appreciated.)**

**Moony**

Dear fan fiction,

I AM NOT GAY. I certainly did not have a son with Sirius. I AM NOT RELATED TO JACOB BLACK. He is most certainly NOT my son. Please stop writing such stories about me and Sirius. And that does not mean that i loved James or Peter either. I married Tonks. Not anyone else. And I died. Face it. I was in Gryffindor. And even though i was the smart one out of the marauders, i did not sit with my head in a book all day long. I had a life outside books. My son's name was Teddy Lupin. AND I AM A GUY. From which angle does remus sound like a girl's name? Do you know how to read? Or do you simply make up random pairings? I am a married is with me in elysium. I am not the kind of person who cheats on his wife. I love her, not*deep breath* sirius, james, lily, peter, severus, DUMBLEDORE, HARRY, molly or afew more thousand or so people. As I said before, I AM NOT GAY. Why does everyone think i am? Next time, instead of wasting my time by writing such long letters, I shall ask a certain friend to take care of you, once and for all.

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin.

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: hey guys! So someone asked for Hermione granger so I'm going to do her today. I ****might ****post another chapter today because my exams just got over!**

** HERMIONE**

Dear fan fiction,

I am dating RON. I love only him. I do not love harry, Draco, Neville, George, Dumbledore (why!) or Voldemort (he doesn't have a nose, he is evil, his best friend is a snake, should I go on?). I am not Voldemort's servant, I don't kill pansy for Draco (ewww…) and I CERTAINLY don't become a death eater. And please stop referring to me only as a know it all. Sure, I'm smart, but that doesn't mean my only job is to correct people's grammatical errors. And I have a life. I DO NOT KISS RON IN PUBLIC JUST TO MAKE OTHERS JEALOUS (he isn't even that cute) (DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT). Please change your opinion of me.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

**So I made this a little longer.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: hey again, guys! Sorry about not updating. I had an Olympiad the very next day and a field trip after that. So someone asked for Fred and George, so here it is. This might not be as great so don't kill me please! It might be more like a conversation towards the end. **

** FRED AND GEORGE**

**(**Both=normal, George=_italics, _Fred=**underline bold****)**

Dear fan fiction,

WE ARE TRICKSTERS. We do not like studying, we like pranking. We are not cunning enough to ruin someone's life. And we are NOT very trustworthy (_*evil smirk*_). We love ANNOYING Ron, not love Ron. (_Actually we love Ron, don't we?_)(**Do we?) **Okay forget that. The point is, we are NOT in ravenclaw, slytherin or hufflepuff. We are true weasleys and gryffindors. And we are not Draco's best friends. Don't compare us marvellous twins to those doofuses Crabbe and Goyle. And you people seriously need to get our crushes right. **I DO NOT LOVE HERMIONE FOR GODS SAKE. **_AND I MARRIED ANGELINA JOHNSON. _And one final thing-**I died. Get over it. I know you love me, but I'm dead.** _*gags* No they don't Fred they love me more. I have 10.6 K stories while you have only 9.5K. _**That is not possible. I AM GOING TO CHECK. **_I THINK I SHOULD LEAVE BEFORE HE COMES BACK._

_BYE!_

**_ME: YOU FORGOT THE SINCERELY PART._**

_WELL I'M NOT SINCERE SO WHY SHOULD I DO IT?_

**_ME: YOU'RE JUST HOPELESS._**

**Please review and tell me if you want more of this conversation type or more like the other ones.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: hey guys! I just felt like updating so here is the next chapter. **

**TO Rebellious-Romance: I'll do Draco next. I already had this one planned. You want him to call her a mudblood and all that stuff, right?**

**HARRY (finally!)**

Dear fan fiction,

My name is Harry Potter. Not Andromeda or Melinda.** (A/N: no offense to those who wrote such stories!) **I AM A GUY. Get over it. If you want a female protagonist, read divergent or hunger games or twilight. My children are named lily, James and albus, not Rose, Hugo, Roxanne or Scorpius. I have a scar shaped like a lightning bolt, not a trident. MY PARENTS ARE JAMES AND LILY POTTER. NOT anyone else. I LOVE GINNY, not Hermione (Ron would kill me), pansy (why?!.), Luna (nargles?), fleur (she's a veela and bill would send goblins after me), Cho (I GOT OVER HER), Snape(I AM NOT GAY and anyways he has too much of grease in his hair), McGonagall( she must be 50+), Dumbledore(I AM NOT GAY and HE IS SO OLD!), Bellatrix(no. just no.), Draco(I AM NOT GAY! How many times do I say it!), VOLDEMORT- THAT IS TOO MUCH. I CAN SAY SO MUCH ABOUT HIM. (Negative, of course). I am the BOY who lived, not the girl who lived. I do not have a twin. I AM IN GRYFFINDOR, not slytherin. Please read the books again before spreading false rumours on fanfiction regarding me.

Sincerely,

Harry Potter

**Okay, so there's a poll up on my profile if I should write another fanfic or not. I want to do Crabbe and Goyle ( after Malfoy), so please review and tell me whether I should do them together like the twins or separately. You can also tell me if you want a particular character.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys! Happy New Year! I'm sorry I couldn't update as I was on vacation. School starts tomorrow so I might not be able to update as frequently as before. This one is Draco. Please review and tell me if I should do Crabbe and goyle separately or together (like Fred and George). Anyways, on with the chapter.**

** DRACO MALFOY**

Dear fanfiction,

I don't even know why I am bothering with all these formalities. With the type of stories you write, I don't think you have ever read the books. I AM A SLYTHERIN, AND SHALL REMAIN A SLYTHERIN FOREVER. I did not marry pansy. I know you think I love her, but I don't. My beloved wife is Astoria Greengrass. And don't get me started with your stories on granger and me. I DO NOT LOVE THAT FILTHY MUDBLOOD. Even though she is pretty, smart, attractive and too awesome to be a Gryffindor, I couldn't marry her. And I am pretty much normal. I AM NOT GAY, FOR GOODNESS SAKE. You think I love potter? Keep that thought to yourself. Don't write stories about it. I have a lot more to say, but I have no time for you stupid muggles, so I am leaving.

Yours sincerely,

Draco Malfoy

**So there's a poll up on my profile about what kind of fanfic I should write next. Please vote there. Please review and tell me if you want a specific character. Shout out to the first reviewer of 2015! I will also read a chosen story of that reviewer and leave a review on it if it is not a guest reviewer.**

**Thanks for reading! **

**-PotatoBookworm**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: hey guys! So I've added a new option to the poll on my profile. Please please please vote as I have no idea about what to do next. Shout out to Anonymous Reader for being the first reviewer of 2015! Shout out to previouslyjade for being the first reviwer with an account in 2015!**

**to previouslyjade: tell me a particular story of yours which you want me to read. Ill leave a review on it.**

**Ayways, on with the story.**

** CRABBE AND GOYLE**

**(**Both=normal, Crabbe=_italics,_goyle=**underline bold****)**

Deer fanfiction,

Wee are not tvins. Wee are to seprate peepol with to seprate liwes. Wee are onlee draco Malfoy's bodigards(_ it's bodygaards_) **(ya whatever) **and not his to boyfrends with who he gosips all day long. V are not gay. I don't theenk that draco was gay ither. v do not luv eech other. **I don't luv loona, or Millisent, or pancy, or hermyowny. **_And I am ded. I did not have anee gurlfrends vech eencloodes millisent. Why dus evryone theenk I luv her?_ And v are not as stoopid as you theenk.v kno exacly wat you are writing about us.

Seenceerlee,

Crabbe and goyle

**That was a pain to write! Its just annoying to do this. Please review and tell me if you want some one specific. **

**Tankx fur reeding!(hee hee hee..)**

**-PutatoBukwerm**

**Actually….**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! So this one is Luna…*gasps* only two of you have voted on the poll on my profile :C please please please please please please please please please please please please please please vote.*gasps again* we've reached 25 reviews! Yay! Can we get it to 30 please? I don't want to be one of those authors who beg for reviews (no offence to you guys) but I don't want to be stuck with this amount of reviews either. I'm not gonna update according to the number of reviews, I'll update whenever I get time. Review and tell me a particular character, you can even put some points on that character in that review. Or you can just PM me.**

**To previouslyjade: you still haven't told me the story you want me to read.**

**To Sasha: I'll do Dumbledore next.**

** LUNA LOVEGOOD**

Dear fanfiction,

Do you think I fall in love with anyone in the world? Like Draco Malfoy, Gregory goyle, Vincent Crabbe, Theodore Nott, Neville longbottom, harry potter, George weasley, Fred weasley, Ronald weasley, GINNY WEASLEY, Dean Thomas, Seamus finnigan, or Zacharias smith. The first four are slytherin, and evil, so I wouldn't even think of dating them, Neville is just…..well,_ Neville, _harry has Ginny and is too famous for me, Fred and George are tricksters and anyway have girlfriends, Ron has Hermione and is a bit of an idiot, dean and Thomas I don't even know that well, and Zacharias is a really rude and blunt guy. I LOVE ROLF SCAMANDER. I am in ravenclaw, I do not "accidentally run into Bellatrix who convinces me to join Voldemort". Read the books before making up such stories. If you write more of this nonsense I swear that I will send all of the Moon Frogs, Blibbering Humdingers, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, Heliopaths, Umgubular Slashkilters, Nargles, Aquavirius Maggots, Wrackspurts, Gulping Plimpies and Dabber blimps at you. And remember that the bites of garden gnomes are good for you.

Sincerely,

Luna lovegood

P.S: my name is LUNA, not loony.

**So a lot of you said that the first chapter was too short, so i've updated it and made it a bit longer. be sure to check it out!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: hey guys! Im back! I just had time today so I updated. This one is Dumbledore. please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please vote on the poll on my profile. Please can we get this story to 30 reviews? Come on, three reviews is not much. Okay now it sounds like im begging you to vote(which I am). I won't beg you to review, follow or favourite, but really really want you to. Ok that's enough of an authors note. 125 words!**

** ALBUS PERCIVAL WOLFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE**

Dear fanfiction,

Minerva? Poppy? Pomona? Are you kidding me? Pairing me with THEM, out of all people? Couldn't you find some one more attractive and young for me, if you wanted to pair me? This is an outrage! This shall be reported to….to ummmm … yes! To the ministry of good stories and fanfiction, to the department of bad pairings. Yes! That's it. And then MADAME MAXIME and SIBYLL TRELAWNEY? Madame maxime is SO huge! Do you expect me to love her? And sibyll, she is half out of her right mind! Do you seriously read? Or do you just blidly make up weird shipnames and pairings? Like dumblaxime, minervledore… I can't even move out of my house in Elysium out of shame. Which brings me to another important point. I AM DEAD. DEAD PEOPLE DO NOT PAIR WITH THE LIVING, UNLESS YOURE A CHILD OF HADES OR HIS SPECIAL FAVOURITE. So all your pairings are useless, cause we never meet. And please don't make up stories that I didn't die and actually joined Voldemort after the incident on the roof. THAT IS NOT TRUE.

Sincerely,

ALBUS PERCIVAL WOLFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE

**Yeah yeah I know, it was horrible and short and completely out of character. Don't kill me! *ducks to avoid rotten tomatoes* I had very little time so…. Anyways, please tell me who you want next.i know that there was a lot of mention of percy Jackson terms, so ..yeah**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: hey guys! Just had some time today so decided to update. This one is Ron. Shoutout to towards-infinity-4ever for being the 30****th**** reviewer! Thanks for correcting my spelling. On a more serious note, I need you to vote on the poll on my profile. I have absolutely no idea what to do next. Can we get this to 45 reviews please? I know you guys can do it! Anyways, on with the story!**

**TO guest- I hope this answers your question.**

**RONALD WEASLEY**

Dear fanfiction,

My name is ronald weasley. I am harry potter's best friend. My parents are Arthur and molly weasley. I know all this is really basic information, but YOU people don't seem to know that. utter crap, that's what you write. Me and ginny? Ever thought that we are BROTHER AND SISTER? Me and draco? Bloody hell, I am not gay! I am pretty much against you-know-who, thank you. My father isn't "bribed by Lucius Malfoy to join the dark side." I AM A MALE, a married man (married to Hermione granger). Which brings me to another important point- HERMIONE has asked me to remind you again that she does NOT love draco. She says that if she had more time she would have written a letter a mile long, but since pig could only carry so much weight, and she had a whole pile of paperwork left, she wrote only a little. Anyways, back to me. You know, they say- once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor. THIS APPLIES TO ME TOO. And just so you get cleared up on this matter, our batch never had another year to make up for lost studies. I DO NOT FALL IN LOVE RANDOM GIRLS. Like, for example, I never knew that daphne green existed till you paired me with her.*shouting heard in background* that's Hermione calling me. She thinks that if she coudnt write a long letter, then why should I? I have to go now, but remember- THIS ISN'T OVER.

Sincerely,

Ronald weasley

P.S- this is to be continued

P.P.S- its not over

P.P.P.S- PotatoBookworm, can I come back again sometime?

**I know I know, it's a bit out of character. But it's the best I could do in such less time. I have updated the first chapter(again!) and added two new options to the poll on my profile. Don't forget to tell me who you want next!**

**Thanks For Reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: hey again guys! I just had a sports meet yesterday, which went pretty well. Also, Tuesday is a holiday! Yay! So this one is lily potter. Do I have to tell you to vote? You don't need to have an account to vote so please do! I am really happy that you managed to get it to 42 reviews from 34 in just 2 days. Can we try fifty now? Anyways, on with the story! This might be a little short as I don't know much about lily.**

**TO betaaaaa: I didn't think about that….  
>TO previouslyjade: ok thanks<strong>**JJJJJ  
>it shows both.<br>TO B00k fanatic: Ginny's next**

**LILY EVANS POTTER**

Dear fanfiction,

Do you know the meaning of DEAD? D-E-A-D DEAD? It doesn't seem like it. Do you also know that I am MARRIED, and already have a son? Do you know how to read? Or do you just like annoying me with stupid stories? James is my husband, not Severus. Severus USED to love me; he does not love me anymore.** (A/N: or so you think…)** harry is my only child, petunia my only relative. I do not love Peter, Lupin or Sirius in the way I love James. I am not stupid. I know everything that you write about me. Dumbledore and I were never in a relationship. LUCIUS IS AN IDIOT. I don't love him. Please be kind enough to keep your thoughts to yourself next time if they involve bizarre pairings regarding me.

Sincerely,  
>Lily Evans Potter<p>

**And it's done! As usual, review if you want to tell me who you want next. Don't forget to vote!**

**Thanks for reading!  
>-PotatoBookworm<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: hey guys! Like I said, today is a holiday. So this one is crookshanks. I loved the idea of him. Do I have to tell you to vote? You don't need to have an account to vote so please do. We didn't reach the review target, but that's ok, as you had only two days. Next update is probably on Thursday, if not, then Saturday. Anyways, on with the story!**

**TO B00k fanatic: I'm really really sorry, but I have less time and Ginny's should be made longer, right?**

**Review target: 52  
>follows and favourites target: 2 more in each.<strong>

**CROOKSHANKS**

Miaow meeeeoow,

Meow meow miaaaaow MIAOOW. MIAOW MEOW MEEE. meow meow MEOW meeeooow miaow, miaow, miiiaaaooowww, meow MIIIIIAAAAOOOOWWWW. Meow meeoow miaow meow, miaoow miaaooow MIAOW miaow MEEEEOOOOW meeoow meow. Meow meow meow miaow miaaow. MIAOW MIAOW MIAOW MEOW MEOW. Meow MIAOW miaow meow mew. mew mew meow miaow miaow. Meow meow moew meow mew. miiaaoow miaow meow meow, meow meow meow MEOW meow miaow. Meow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow meow meow meow meow. MIAAAOOOW MIAOW MEEEOOOW.  
>Meoww,<br>meowmeowmiaow

_Translation-  
>Dear fanfiction,<br>I am a CAT. I LOVE CATS. I do NOT love Hedwig, Trevor, Pigwidgeon or SCABBERS. Scabbers is a rat, and rats and cats DETEST each other. I do not love Hermione. I DID NOT DEFEAT VOLDEMORT. I CANNOT type or write. _**( A/N: Crookshanks sent this as an audiobook) **_ I don't have a diary. And I know that Mrs. Norris is a cat, but I do NOT love her. Please do not pair me with more animals or humans. I AM SINGLE._

_Sincerely,  
>Crookshanks<em>

**And it's over! That was PAINFUL. Review to tell me who you want, and don't forget to vote!**

**Thanks for reading!  
>-PotatoBookworm<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating on Thursday, but I had some work at school for the general assembly, as the teacher had made me incharge, ****_AGAIN_****. So anyways, this is ginny, as I had promised. Pleeeeaaase vote! *shows puppy eyes* Only one person has voted. It just takes like two clicks to vote. The poll is on my profile.**

**TO B00k fanatic and previouslyjade: I'm not really sure about that. I'll try to find out.**

**TARGETS  
>review target- reached!<br>new-62  
>follows target- reached!<br>new-15  
>favourites target- almost there…<strong>_  
><em>**new-11**

**Anyways, on with the story!**

**GINERVA WEASLEY**

Dear fanfiction,  
>I HATE BEING CALLED GINERVA, for starters. Do NOT call me ginerva in any stories. The second thing I don't really mind, but just wanted to inform you, that I am 1 year younger to harry, not the same age or older. The third thing, our kids are named Albus Severus Potter, Lily Luna Potter, and James Sirius Potter. we have only three kids, not more, not less. Fourth thing, I am aldready married to harry, nobody else. Here is a list of all the people I do NOT love, with reasons:<br>DRACO MALFOY- he's a slitherin, he's an idiot, he is evil, or was, whatever, and besides, he is married.  
>BLAISE ZABINI, VINCENT CRABBE, GREGORY GOYLE, AND ANY OTHER SLITHERIN: THEY ARE IDIOTS. Some of them can't even speak properly.<br>NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM- he's fine, but he's just, well, _NEVILLE_.  
>FRED, GEORGE, PERCY, RONALD, BILL AND CHARLIE WEASLEY- THEY ARE MY BROTHERS.<br>LUNA LOVEGOOD, CHO CHANG, HERIONE GRANGER AND EVERY OTHER GIRL: I AM NOT LESBIAN.  
>Stop. Just stop with all these stupid pairings. Please don't make me kill you stupid muggles who are so jobless in life that they make up such stories.<p>

Sincerely,  
>GINNY( not ginerva) weasley<p>

***drum roll* and ginny's over! As usual, tell me who you want, and also if you want a new option on the poll on my profile.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-PotatoBookworm**


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